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WEIGHT ISSUES IN CHILDREN: PARENTS,
WAKE UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
The topic of weight issues in children is such a hot one!
People have been asking me for months to write an
article on this, but I have been reticent about it because
it is such a touchy subject and really delves into our role and responsibilities as parents.
It all came to light one day—into complete focus actually—that I had a problem in my own backyard. I was at one stressful ballet tryout (yes, you know the one) for my 6-year-old daughter, and my adorable daughter (I am biased) was standing with all the other little girls in her pink ballet leotard. And there was no denying it. She had gotten (how should I say this nicely?) chubby. All you mothers out there will probably want to throw stones at me and ask how I could say that about my daughter.
But there was no denying it. My string bean daughter was growing, but unfortunately it was horizontally instead of vertically. I would not have had a problem with her weight if she were born that way or prone to fighting weight her whole life. But this was not a genetic problem. This was a Starbucks and ice-cream-after-dinner problem.
I counsel clients all day on similar issues yet could not see the problem when it was in my own backyard. How embarrassing, right? Actually, when it is your own child, things seem to slowly creep up. We see our children and love them so much. Perhaps we work long hours and do not notice the day-to-day snacking or eating, or we have our focus on other things. Perhaps we work full-time and have a nanny or housekeeper oversee meals, or perhaps we just feel guilty saying no to our children.
In my house, I just go too busy juggling work, clients, household, husband and the list goes on. And, due to schedule changes and weather, Caroline and I would get a snack while killing time before picking up my son from lacrosse or spend some downtime after school before ballet having a snack instead of eating a healthy one from home. The extra hot chocolates, donuts and chocolate-covered crackers began to slowly add up!
In the past few years, I have been dealing more and more with parents coming to see me worried about their children. When I started out, I always thought I would deal with adults and never dreamt that I would be dealing with children. Now I am helping more children and notice more and more children on the streets walking around with weight problems! The rate of childhood obesity has doubled in the past 20 years with a staggering 15 percent of children and adolescents considered obese. The percentage of just plain overweight children has grown to 1 out of every 3 children. According to the American Diabetes Association, there are 246 million people with diabetes in the world, consisting of approximately 23.6 percent of children and adults. There are many factors that lead to these problems—more sedentary lives in front of the computer or TV, junk food school lunches, fast food dinners, and more access to sugary and high-fat snacks.
When we were growing up, we all had home-cooked meals. If we did not like what my mother cooked, I guess we just did not eat. There was not a deli like Yura, a Starbucks or an ice cream cart at every corner. If we had a chocolate chip cookie or a cupcake, it was something we had because our mother had made them or there was a birthday party at school. With my daughter and many other children I counsel, these treats are eaten as a daily snack, which leads to weight gain and poor eating habits.
Another thing that came into play—and does in many families—was the school lunch. In our house, I would never dream of serving my daughter chocolate cake after lunch, but this is the very thing she was having. We are very lucky—there are no Doritos or vending machines at her school or my son’s, and it is not the common pizza/chicken nugget/French fry fare like most parents are dealing with. The food at her school is all home cooked and she thinks it is delicious, but it is much heavier than she is used to eating. Then, she would have a snack after school and then ice cream or something with her brother after dinner (he is a “growing boy,” after all).
Life is about balance. It was not the fact that she was having dessert in school, but more that she was not only having dessert at lunch but also after school and after dinner, all without us all really putting two and two together. She has always loved vegetables but has a huge sweet tooth and a near addiction to chocolate. In our family, we have come to a nice balance. Children must eat the meal that is in front of them (or that is it), they must eat their vegetables in order to get dessert, and there is only one “treat” such as ice cream or cookies a day. Period.
One day she might be horrified to read this, but it is my hope that in coming clean we can all help other families dealing with this increasingly bad problem affecting not only my little house but the entire country.
The problem in my house was just minor—a little tweak here and there and a reminder about our values was all it took. As I am writing this, I am watching Caroline chase a tennis ball across the court. She is happy, strong, athletic and feels good about herself. And, no, she does not hate me because she is made to eat her veggies and can only have one dessert a day. It is all we can ask for our children to be healthy and happy. And I just don’t feel that’s possible without having good eating habits and a good body image.
Here are some steps I recommend to lay healthy groundwork:
Be a detective.
If you are worried about your child, then silently and without causing attention note what he or she is having. Ask her in a very innocuous way what she had for lunch (or ask the teacher to discreetly take notes for a few days). If you have a nanny, ask her to write down what your child ate. Write everything she has eaten meticulously in a journal for a handful of days and you will quickly see the problem. Above all, do not let the child know you are doing this, and make it very clear to any other party involved such as a nanny or teacher that this is of utmost importance.
Have “the conversation.”
Getting to work in my own family, we first set out to talk to our daughter about the problem. As a side note, never use the words fat or chubby or even allude to the fact that your child has “gained weight.” Instead, say something like, “After we spoke, I realized how many sweets and junk foods (chips, whatever problem you are having…) you are eating. I know they are delicious, but they are not healthy and will not make your body strong or your mind be able to focus, and I know you need all those things to be happy throughout your day.” It would also be nice to make a comment about how you would like to get healthier and ask your child to help you make better choices. Children love feeling involved, and you will get much better results!
Clean out your pantry!
Throw out all foods with sugar, such as ice creams, cookies, yogurts, sugary cereals and chocolate milk mixes, and substitute them with ones sweetened with agave nectar or unrefined organic cane juice. Also, clean out all things that are fried or with white flour or preservatives. Talk to your child about this change and explain that too many sweets and snacks are not good for their bodies. Encourage them to engage in the process. Now here is the hard part. If they are nonresponsive or throw a fit, be the adult and hold firm. This is the way it is. Period. End of story.
If you cave, the problem will multiply. There is no reason to feed your children with junk because of guilt. Love them more than this!
Limit unhealthy snacks, sweets or desserts to one time per day (or eliminate them altogether).
There is no reason for sweets or snacks like fried potato chips to be eaten more than once a day! These foods are high in calories, devoid of nutrients and literally fill your child up with unhealthy junk instead of leaving room for healthy food to be eaten. My advice would also be to throw out all regular ice cream, cookies, chips and similar treats and just not keep them in the house. If you think you will be able to control the portions, then buy the healthy variety of the treat. There are ice creams now made with coconut milk and rice milk that are sweetened with agave, cookies with whole grains, and a wide assortment of healthy alternatives.
So, my daughter asks, “What about my brother?” Here is my tricky and probably controversial (but true) answer…
Life is not fair. Boys typically can eat more and still look great! (By the way, this does not mean that this will always be the case and it won’t catch up with them one way or another.) There, of course, are some exceptions where boys have issues just like the girls and there are some girls who can eat whatever they wish, but for the most part, this is the harsh reality.
Girls better learn this lesson now. My husband and son can eat bowl after bowl of ice cream and not gain an ounce, while most women I know cannot! Many friends diet their way through life picking at their food while eating out with their husbands and boyfriends who eat what they wish. Many parents shield their daughters from this basic, important truth and then we wonder why our daughters develop these eating disorders later on when they don’t meet their own ideal for being “skinny.” Which leads to my next point…
Teach your child good eating habits now!
Have you ever seen the line out of Pinkberry after school during the week? It is filled with preteen and teenage girls who are living off of frozen yogurt for lunch or dinner. They starve themselves during the day and instead eat large containers of yogurt because it satisfies their sweet tooth and is low in calories. This is not healthy, and these are the same girls who will be struggling as they become adults.
Teach your children to eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. This includes lots of salads, eating their vegetables before finishing the bread roll or bowl of pasta, and not eating huge, uncontrollable portions. The subject of eating and weight with girls is so taboo, so most moms just avoid the subject altogether, worrying that they will cause an eating disorder or trauma by bringing it up.
If you don’t teach your daughter how to eat healthily and in a balanced way, who will? Her friends, peers? I don’t think so. Talk to your daughter about these issues. And, with older teenagers (if they really do need to lose weight), lovingly show them how to do it appropriately, and show them how to fuel their bodies for sports or midterms. Talking to your daughter in a constructive way does not make you a bad mother and it won’t make her have an eating disorder! The onus is on us to talk to our daughters about the foods they eat and how they will affect their bodies, minds and moods!
Unfortunately, the fact is that we do have to have these discussions because our daughters are growing up in a different world than we might have, and I am seeing weight become a bigger issue earlier than in the past.
Model behavior and set expectations.
It is my belief that we all (men included) should have one big salad for one meal during our day. In our family, we have started by serving salads as well as always having healthy vegetables accompanying the meal. My husband and I always eat a very healthy portion, and each child is required to eat several bites before being allowed to have dessert. My son has taken to it and eats all his salad. My daughter is coming along a bit more slowly but eats a portion of hers. We always stay positive and tell her that when she is big, she will love salads! If you can teach your children to eat their vegetables and love salads, then they will be getting adequate nutrition when they leave the nest.
Keep the communication open.
Talk, talk and talk with your children. Be accepting and loving and give them as much information as you can about their choices with respect to food as well as everything else in life!
In our family, it has taken a few weeks to get things back on track. Our daughter is 100 percent on board and feels empowered to make changes. She looks great and I have noticed her moods and energy are better. It is our hope that this has been a growing experience and that this knowledge will stay with her from adolescence to adulthood. All we want for our children is for them to be their best selves.
We parents have so much guilt already. Are we providing everything for our children? Are we doing enough? Are we good enough? The last thing I want to do is to point a finger, but when they are young, we decide what they eat and don’t eat. So, parents, if you do have a problem, step up to the plate and solve it. Your children will thank you later!
As Eldridge Cleaver wrote, “If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.”
Katherine Pennington is a holistic health counselor and founder of Be in Balance, which helps women and men lose weight, reduce stress and achieve more balance in their lives. Additionally, Katherine runs a cooking program for kids and their moms called Kids in the Kitch, in which she helps mothers and fathers cook healthier meals for their families as well as works one-on-one with children. Katherine is also an avid runner and marathoner and advises athletes on how to fuel for maximum performance and health.
Katherine graduated from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition/Columbia Teachers College and is a member of the American Association of Drugless Practitioners. Additionally, Katherine is a founding member of Women for Family Nutrition (www.wffn.org).
Katherine resides in New York City and is the mother to two beautiful children.
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