When Food Is Love

WHEN FOOD IS LOVE
HOLISTIC HEALTH COUNSELOR KELLY SCOTTI TEACHES YOU HOW TO FOSTER
YOUR CHILD'S HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD

Eating is such an emotionally-charged issue in families. I have taken it
personally when my son refuses to eat a meal into which I have poured
my heart and time. I also know that I have tried to force him to eat,
causing him to refuse even more vehemently—and rightly so. Only recently
have I made the connection between how my childhood eating experiences
have molded the way I feed my son. When I was young, I turned to food
when I was felt unloved, depressed, lonely or bored because I didn’t have the
skills, tools or guidance to have my needs met in other ways. As an adult, I have
learned and am still learning how not to pass that empty legacy onto my son.

Almost everyone has turned to food to satisfy his or her need for love, variety, comfort and security at some point in his or her life. As parents, however, we must review our experiences and subsequent prejudices and habits with food to make sure that our views, language and practices do not predispose our children to developing the wrong relationship with food.

Awareness is the first step. Start by answering the questions below to ascertain how you really feel about eating and food:

1	What were you told about food/eating when you were a child?
2	Did you eat meals as a family when you were young? How does that experience influence your family now?
3	Were you given treats to comfort you after a fall or stressful situation or fed in order to quiet you down?
4	Did you stuff your feelings by eating?
5	Was food used as a reward or punishment?
6	Were you ever yelled at or punished for not eating something you did not want to eat or because you were full?

Once you are aware of how your experiences have influenced your behavior today, it's easier to see how important it is to address these issues with your children right away. As a parent, you are the gatekeeper of the foods that come into your house and, because of that, you essentially control what they eat. The way to have them not turn to chocolate when they are feeling sad could be as easy as not keeping chocolate in the house. And remember, since you are the greatest influence on your child in their early years, you set a good example. So saying no to chocolate for them means the same for you, too.

When your children eat is also important. If you let your kids nosh throughout the day, it will be harder for them to sit and eat the family meal. Likewise, it will teach them that snacking is something you can do when you are bored, instead of being creative and coming up with alternative activities to cure their boredom. If you let your kids eat while distracted, in front of the TV, for example, they will most likely eat beyond feeling full, as they are not paying attention to their body's natural signs. Eating in front of the TV can also condition them to eat when doing a certain activity, even if they are not hungry. Moreover, eating when doing other things can give your children the impression that sitting down for a meal is not a valued experience. It's best for everyone in the family to have regular meal times, avoid skipping meals and eat at the table.

It is also imperative to never offer food as a reward or take away food as a punishment. Instead, have a list of alternative rewards, treats and punishments that are not food related. Also, avoid offering rewards as a way to get your children to eat, especially if you are offering other food as the reward (think: finish two bites of the spinach and I'll give you ice cream). That inappropriate exchange can teach your children that one food is better than another (spinach is bad and ice cream is good) and tempt him to eat even if full.

What may make the most difference is to discuss this topic with your children: your concern, your hope, your experience and your awareness of how they are feeling. Allow them a voice and a reference. Give them the tools to recognize and voice their feelings, an outlet to explore those feelings outside of the food realm and the opportunity to experience food for all the pleasure it brings to the senses. Give them fresh, organic, natural foods, free of processing and sugar, and their young bodies will crave those types of foods. With your guidance, your children will also be able to realize that they feel better eating healthy foods rather than junk.

And now for my best advice: give them lots of hugs, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and unconditional love.

Kelly Scotti, HHC, is the Founder and Director of Flying Dragon Wellness, www.flyingdragonwellness.com, a nutrition and wellness counseling practice in Bucks County, Pa. She's Board Certified by the American Association of Drugless Practitioners, and obtained her training from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in NYC. She and her husband also run an online baby boutique for boys, www.ohboybabyboutique.com. For more information, or to schedule a consultation, please email Kelly at flyingdragonwellness@yahoo.com.