Welcome to our latest monthly column, “Mom on the Street” (ya know, like “Man on the Street”).
Each month, we’ll be asking moms just like you for a slice of their sage advice, insider tips or
tried-and-true wisdom in the hopes that their unique brand of mothering inspires, assuages, calms,
strengthens and even amuses you.
Lisa Milbrand is a freelance writer and creator of The Mamahood blog (www.themamahood.typepad.com). She lives in Bloomfield, N.J., with her husband and two daughters, ages 4 and 1.
 “No matter how hard I try, our holidays do end up being pretty insane: lots of travel and gifts and excitement. But I’ve found a few ways to simplify.
The key is shopping online. I buy all the gifts at night when the kids are asleep, and I get to avoid the mayhem at the malls. Using coupon code and deal sites like RetailMeNot.com and Ebates.com ensures I get bargains as good as or better than the ones at the stores.
I pared down our Christmas cookie baking to just two types each year, and I make the recipes I can do with the kids. It’s more fun to do as a family, and much better for our waistlines to have only two batches of cookies laying around the house.
I make sure I book my sitter early for my good friend’s adults-only holiday party—we always have such a good time at that, and it’s one of the rare times I can catch up with all my friends without someone having to run off to keep the kids in line.
My husband and I used to travel every Christmas, alternating between his family and mine. But with two small children, enough is enough—and we’ll be celebrating the actual holiday at home to avoid the Christmas travel mayhem. That also enables us to stretch out the holiday feeling a little longer, as we travel to visit the families in the weeks leading up to—or just after—the holidays.” |
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Juliet Johnson is the mother of three—Nathan, age 7; Emma, age 6; and Lilly, age 1—the stepmother of Bruce, age 24, and the author of a humorous motherhood book, Somebody’s Always Hungry (www.somebodysalwayshungry.com). She lives in Los Angeles with husband Barry and the kids, but dreams of the country.
 “If you can survive every regular day with your family, then the holidays are no big deal. I remember feeling this way when we went to Disneyland—it was this tremendous, exciting holiday. There are months and months ahead of time where you’re looking forward to the trip. The kids are dreaming about it. The goal outshines the normal everydayness of the time leading up to it. Then suddenly you’re at Disneyland, and the input is so intense—everything is so fun and so vibrant and so crowded with celebration, the rush from going to one ride and another and wanting to be on a third one at the same time…I found myself in the middle of it, on the Disneyland train and looking at my kids’ faces and thinking, Wow, I can’t wait for a regular day when this is over. I realized suddenly that I love the regular days where the biggest thing you do is maybe read the kids a story. Disneyland is the prize you get for working hard all those everydays, the celebration that you kept in mind to keep you dreaming during the long days in between.
But in actuality, the days themselves, as intricate and relentless as they can be, all in a row and never-ending, those days are payment in themselves. You don’t even need the holidays, even though they’re nice. Those everydays are your soul, baby. Those everydays give your life texture, make you rich inside. It has something to do with all the struggles each day to make each day good; there is a certain joy/triumph each night in surviving the normal. Exhaustion isn’t the only thing you feel each night. There’s a tiny flag. There’s victory there. When the holidays are on top of you and you feel overwhelmed with people, food, parties and stress, just look at those little faces you care for every day and remember that most of your time is spent doing some small, simple task for that little face. Holidays will come and go, but you can count on the return of the slow days. Let the memory of that shore you up. If you can manage to stay sane during the long, slow everydayness, you can do anything. A holiday is easy. You can even do something completely crazy—ask family for help. Enjoy asking for help with everything. Then bring out that tiny flag at the end of your Thanksgiving dinner and wave it to yourself that night in bed. Victory. Joy and victory.” |
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Dr. Elissa Thompson of CardioCare is a Washington, D.C.–based cardiologist. A staunch advocate of women’s heart health, Dr. Thompson is also active in many D.C. and Bethesda-area charities. Here’s what this mother of two children, ages 6 and 4, has to say:
 “My childhood memories of holidays at home are studded with scenes of my grandmother and father bickering over how to make gravy properly, with my mother between them as referee, usually enjoying a large glass of wine. Those ‘happy’ moments made me think that there was no way I was ever going to host that kind of get-together at my house. But life goes on and I found myself driven (as we all do) to open my house for Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s. But with the demanding schedule of residency and as the mom of two little children, learning to get through the holidays without a major meltdown has been quite an education.
There are three main components to keeping my sanity over the holidays. The first is to make a plan early and stick to it. On many occasions, my call schedule has not allowed me to be at home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, let alone to shop, clean or decorate. I am so fortunate to be married to a man who is as enthusiastic about holiday entertaining as I am, as well as compulsive about planning. Plus, he doesn’t mind grocery shopping or picking up relatives at the airport. Together we usually start planning in October—trying out recipes, making guest lists and buying gifts. By the time the holidays are in full swing, we have everything down to a science. For example, I will know exactly how long the turkey will take and how far in advance I need to make side dishes. That isn’t to say that things don’t go awry—something will always go wrong but we don’t let that upset us!
Which leads me to point number two: Remember to have fun. Holiday celebrations are about being together, not a contest to see how fast you can make yourself an exhausted wretch. Now I try to make myself happy in the process. Gone are the days when I woke up at 4 a.m. to make the sweet potato biscuits from scratch—I like to sleep too much for that! Another thing that makes me particularly happy is music. As anyone who has ever been to my house for dinner knows, I like to play DJ. Who cares if the Eagles’ ‘Hotel California’ is not exactly traditional? I like it and it relaxes me!
Lastly, I always try to concentrate on what I want my kids to remember about the holidays. I really want them to think of being at home with their family as a happy time with a loving, smiling mom who made them listen to the Eagles for Christmas. They won’t remember how many presents were under the tree for them, but they will remember if I was on edge. When I feel like things are getting to me, I remember that’s the time I need to take a break. This past year we got the Harry Potter books, and when I needed a break, the kids and I cuddled up on the couch and read.
Most important: No matter how driven you are and how much you want to please everyone, you always need to remember to think of yourself first. Your happiness will set the tone for the holidays!” |
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