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Childbearing in its entirety, from the mysterious and miraculous
ability to conceive and give birth on through the nourishing acts
of child-rearing, have suddenly become explosive minefields of fear,
insecurity and guilt. Somehow as a collective culture, we have lost
or abandoned any thread of belief in a woman’s ability and power to
naturally conceive and give birth. These once-tight threads of belief have been constantly and consistently shredded away, leaving in their wake a gaping lack of trust and unrelenting fear.
The more we know externally, the less we are trusting internally and, as a result, we have lost our connection and trust of our inner navigation source: our mama and papa bear wisdom, the part of us that knows what we know to be true, down to the very marrow of our bones, and, as such, lunges without any doubt to own a decision and any subsequent action. Some may also name this part of us our intuitive knowing.
In her book Mother-Daughter Wisdom, Christiane Northrup, MD, coins the phrase “mama bear wisdom” to powerfully describe this instinctual, intuitive inner wisdom that is hardwired in all women when they become mothers. I’ve added the papa bear to this occurrence in an effort to acknowledge the concurrent hardwiring present and available for dads.
This article aims to discuss where and how we lose our insight (with the emphasis on the “in”) and trust in our mama and papa bear wisdom during the pregnancy and birth process, as well as to share some simple, fun, concrete, relaxing and empowering tools and techniques in order to reclaim and reintegrate the mama and papa bear wisdom back into our lives.
In my work with women and families, I have come to strongly believe that the antidote for all the free-floating fear and anxiety in our culture is to learn how to cultivate feelings of safety and trust. The simple yet powerful and amazingly adaptable tool I teach that does this is called grounding.
I encourage you to try this technique now:
GROUNDING: THE ALL-PURPOSE FEAR ANTIDOTE TOOL
The first step in the process of connecting with your intuition
(your inner knowing) is to ground. Grounding is a tool that places us in present time—the now, this moment—and thereby aids us in creating a safe container. I like to think of grounding as the ultimate laundry chute, allowing me to easily and safely release any thoughts or feelings that no longer are needed.
Grounding enables us to create a pause in the fear/need-to-control cycle, and thereby helps us to cultivate a deep knowing and feeling of how to authentically create safety and trust.
Grounding only takes a moment. Once you understand the how-to and feel the power of this tool, you will start integrating this tool into every facet of your life. I ground my car while driving, my date book in anticipation of a busy day and the phone before I pick it up.
Grounding is a powerful tool to use in labor.
To ground, imagine your feet connecting to the stream-of-life force from the earth. You can imagine connecting to the stream of life, nourishment and clarity from anywhere in the planet. Given you have two feet, you can draw the energy up from two different areas.
As you inhale, imagine breathing this current up both your feet and legs, allowing it to settle at the base of your spine (your perineum). You can also imagine drawing from the earth’s colors, symbols or concepts (such as clarity, peace, joy, nourishment). From this space, feel and imagine the energy swirling around in the center or core of your perineum. From the center of this energy, imagine creating a grounding structure (tree roots, a waterfall, a tube, an anchor, a slide) until it has grown to 2 to 4 feet wide. As you exhale, be aware of this structure connecting back to the earth.
As you breathe in, be aware of receiving, and as you exhale again, be aware of releasing anything that is safe and comfortable for your system to release, such as any stress, fear or worry.
As you ground, you might find yourself feeling lighter and/or stronger and more rooted. We naturally ground when we sit on or hold a rock, listen to running water, or sit on a toilet. Many people notice after some practice that they are able to ground with the simple act of consciously taking a deep breath.
Now that we have grounded, let’s move on.
As you continue reading, check in periodically to your grounding cord and pay attention to how and what you are feeling.
MAMA BEAR WISDOM DURING PREGNANCY:
THE ROLLER COASTER OF FEAR, TESTING AND NOT TRUSTING
While standing in line at the market a few months ago, I was sadly amused to read the headline captions listed on two mainstream pregnancy magazines. In each of them, there it was, in bolded captions, the word fear: “What You Secretly Fear” and “Your Top Ten Fears.”
This growing trend of fear starts affecting a woman from the moment she conceives. She can’t just relax anymore—what if something is wrong or goes wrong? She is concurrently bombarded with messages that elicit worry and, with that, the need for her to remain in control.
Every obstetrician visit is now focused on what tests to consider for this visit and the next, instead of affirming the miracle of the growing baby. In the place of exploring a mom and dad’s hopes and fears and validating their strengths, visits now focus on discussing what could possibly be or go wrong. In many OB practices, the pregnant mom’s belly is no longer even touched. Any assessment of her pregnancy growth is done by ultrasound. Very few parents really understand that the measurements obtained from an ultrasound become less and less accurate as a pregnancy grows. A term ultrasound can be off anywhere from 1 to 2 pounds in estimating a baby’s weight. Sadly, the art and skill of touching a mom’s belly to determine a baby’s position and size is becoming a lost art and practice.
When we touch a mom’s belly, we are doing more than measuring and assessing her baby. We are saying: “Isn’t it amazing what your body is doing?” That affirms that she is doing a great job of nourishing and growing her baby. This tactile interaction also enables the health care provider to learn so much about what this mom knows and feels about herself, her family and her baby.
SO WHAT’S A PARENT TO DO?
There is no test, series of tests, procedure or crystal ball that can assure that your baby will be normal and healthy and continue to be normal and healthy. This is the truth. To believe otherwise pulls us away from the inner resources of our inner mama and papa bear wisdom and thrusts us onto the merry-go-round of test after test after test, fostering a “tentative pregnancy,” as termed by Barbara Katz Rothman in her book by the same name. With this roller coaster of testing, pregnant women have lost the time and permission to just relax and revel in the miracle and wonder of being pregnant.
The current work of cell biologist Bruce Lipton, PhD, has validated the old wives’ tales about whatever a pregnant woman is feeling and exposed to emotionally and physically during her pregnancy gets transmitted to her baby. Bruce has discovered that a woman’s overall long-term pregnancy experiences and emotions get translated to her baby via her hormones through the placenta to the baby’s womb environment. From these hormonal messages, the baby goes on to determine its DNA expression. He/she will choose DNA that will determine his/her body, genetic expression and his/her future hormonal wiring in order to prepare for a world his/her mother is showing via her feelings and hormones.
Now, to alleviate any immediate feelings of guilt, I wish to state that pregnancy is a time normally filled with emotional ups and down. It’s important to remember that these determinations result from a consistent and persistent hormonal environment experienced over a period of time during the pregnancy.
So if a woman is holding a consistent low level of terror and fear during her pregnancy, it will get transmitted to her baby. And her baby will prepare for a world that is tentative, uncertain and unsafe. Conversely, if a mother is supported, validated with trust and confident about her pregnancy, that will also be transmitted to her baby.
One of my favorite tenets of midwifery care is that we as midwives nurture the mother so she is supported and she, in turn, has the resources to nourish and to mother her unborn child.
Many practitioners present screening tests steeped within a fear-based motivation. So instead of giving you an informed, unbiased choice, you are being sold from a place of fear, via yet another test. Behind the scene, influencing how strongly a practitioner may recommend certain testing, is the malpractice fear. This bias is most especially true in the realm of offering genetic screening testing. You, the client, may be strongly encouraged to partake in testing in order to protect your health care provider from any future lawsuits.I feel strongly that when I am discussing any lab test or diagnostic procedure with a client, I apply what I learned during Certified Nurse Midwifery training and, in turn, I urge my clients to start looking at any offered tests with the same questions:
What will I do with this information?
Are the results of this test going to change what decision we are already making?
If not, what will I do with this information?
Will taking this test increase my overall fear or diminish it?
Are there any other ways I can get similar information with less intervention and/or risk?
Bottom line—how does engaging in this test make me feel?
I then encourage my clients to base their decision about a particular test or tests on the answers to these questions. Once you decide to engage in a test, ask yourself how you can best connect with your body and baby to create a feeling of trust and participation in this test process.
LOOK FOR BASIC INSTINCT, PART TWO IN OUR JUNE ISSUE AND BASIC INSTINCT, PART THREE IN OUR JULY ISSUE
Teresa Robertson, RN, MSN, certified nurse midwife, has been involved in the realms of women’s health, birth and alternative healing for the past 29 years. During the past 12 years, she has shared these integrative tools of healing and knowing with numerous groups of clients and professionals.
As a birth intuitive, she is uniquely qualified in bridging and integrating the often confusing and sometimes contradictory approaches offered to a client by both her medical doctor/provider and her alternative health care providers during pregnancy and/or fertility promotion. Teresa utilizes numerous concrete mind/body/spirit techniques and tools, including connecting with your unborn baby. Her integrative approach is concrete, supportive and empowering.
Teresa’s work in fertility and pregnancy as a birth intuitive has been endorsed by Dr. Christiane Northrup in her best-selling books Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and Mother-Daughter Wisdom.
To sign up for a free teleclass on cultivating your mama and papa bear wisdom, go to www.birthintuitive.com.
Professional Support Group Organizations
American Association of Birth Centers
www.birthcenters.org
Association for Pre- & Perinatal Psychology and Health
www.birthpsychology.com
American College of Nurse-Midwives
www.acnm.org
Midwives Alliance of North America
www.mana.org
Books and Magazines
Mothering magazine
www.mothering.com
“Effects of Hospital Economics on Maternity Care” by Susan Hodges with Henci Goer.
Reprinted from Citizens for Midwifery News, Spring/Summer 2004
Mother-Daughter Wisdom by Christiane Northrup, MD
Pregnancy as Healing, Volumes 1 and 2 by Gayle Peterson, MS, MSW, and Lewis Mehl, MD, PhD
The Biology of Belief by Bruce H. Lipton, PhD
The Tentative Pregnancy by Barbara Katz Rothman
DVDs
The Business of Being Born
www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com
Birth As We Know It
www.birthintobeing.com
Orgasmic Birth
www.orgasmicbirth.com
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