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Every now and again, we at TFG hear a story that stops us in our tracks.
Ordinary people doing extraordinary things—they always make us take
stock of our own lives, what we’re doing and why we’re doing it in the
first place. But ordinary people doing truly extraordinary things, now that
make us just stone-cold freeze. We got the big chill after hearing about
Pam Cope, a mom no different, per se, than you or us, who lost her son
suddenly and was able to turn his tragic death into a lifesaving mission for children around the world.
Yeah. It is amazing.
And honestly, we’re not sure we could do what she did. She’s a brave one. And a tough one. She took what is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a parent and instead of letting the catastrophic loss destroy her, she used it to make more out of her life. The grace and beauty, the poetry of her story and the work that she is doing to spare the lives of children is so much bigger than she is, and yet it’s her—lil’ ol’ her—who’s doing it.
There are people who buckle under the weight of things, there are people who rise to the occasion and there are a select few who ascend past the occasion, as it were, and head straight to greatness, no matter what the task, what the obstacles or what the odds are. Pam Cope is on the rise.
Here, she tells THE FAMILY GROOVE about where she’s been, where she’s going and the foundation that she created as the vehicle to take her there.
THE FAMILY GROOVE: The Touch a Life Foundation was inspired by your remarkable experiences. Tell us what led to its creation.
PAM COPE: In 1999, my 15-year-old son Jantsen died of an undetected heart ailment. He was a healthy, spunky, awesome kid, and his sudden death was so shocking and unbelievable, I thought I’d never recover from the tremendous grief I felt after he was gone. At his funeral, my husband, Randy, and I asked that instead of flowers, people donate money to a memorial fund. I had no idea what I’d do with the money; I just knew I couldn’t bear the idea of looking at flowers that day. We ended up receiving $25,000, which was so much more than we expected. It was from this money that we started Touch a Life.
TFG: Did you have any experience with child advocacy prior to your trip to Vietnam?
PC: No, I had experiences with running a hair salon, raising two cool kids and working on my 11-year marriage, but no experience with child advocacy.
TFG: What is the mission of the foundation?
PC: To eradicate slavery and advocate for exploited children.
TFG: The need for the work that Touch a Life does is dire. How do you handle your day-to-day tasks as a mom and the foundation’s co-founder without getting overwhelmed?
PC: That is a really good question, and if anyone has any advice, I’d love to hear it. After getting my two youngest kids, Van and Tatum (we adopted them from Vietnam), ready for school, I usually get to work, answering e-mails and making phone calls at my kitchen table. I spend a lot of time fundraising. I go to Ghana as often as I can, having been there five times in the past two years. I just plug away, doing what I can. I’ve learned that for me, I need to work to have balance in my life. I find quiet time whenever I can; I write in my journal a lot and I have a lot of great friends who keep me grounded.
TFG: What’s your personal MO?
PC: To try to get out of my pajamas by noon.
TFG: You started out by advocating and rescuing children in Vietnam and Cambodia and are now bringing your efforts to Ghana. Why Ghana?
PC: In October of 2006, my husband, Randy, and I were in New York with our friends. That Sunday, The New York Times did a front-page story about Mark Kwadwo, a 6-year-old boy who had been sold into slavery in Ghana to work with fishermen on Lake Volta. After reading that story, I could not get Mark out of my head. Finally, a few days later, I realized I needed to try to help him. Through the reporter, I was put in touch with George Achibra, a Ghanaian man who was working to educate people about the fact that trafficking children is illegal and wrong. He was able to negotiate the release of Mark and six other kids, including two of Mark’s siblings. Since then, we have rescued a total of 50 kids and have built a boarding school in Ghana for kids rescued off the lake.
TFG: Where to next?
PC: We’re committed to financially supporting 225 children in Vietnam, plus the 50 children in Ghana. We want to get all the kids off Lake Volta. We want to bring on staff to help us grow the program. I need to make sure that Van and Tatum remember to practice their instruments and do their chores.
TFG: What’s the big-picture goal for Touch a Life?
PC: That making sure that the children we work with are given everything they need so that they are empowered to become the next leaders of their communities.
TFG: You adopted two Vietnamese children. How have they changed your life?
PC: The better question is how have they not? When we first brought Van home, it felt like the sadness I was sure would never go away was lifted a little. Two years later, we brought home Tatum. Now it’s almost like I can’t remember a time that they weren’t lying on the couch, their legs intertwined. It’s not always easy having two 10-year-olds, but it’s always exciting.
TFG: What advice do you have for other parents who have lost a child?
PC: To give their grief the respectful place it needs for them to heal in a healthy way. I think there is a lot of pressure here in America to jump on the fast track and show signs of recovery immediately, and that is just not realistic with the loss of a child. It is a slow and very personal journey that parents will have to embrace and protect to keep from losing their sanity. Surround yourself with very safe people who will allow you to be honest and open. There will be days that you need to voice the depths of your sadness and hopelessness openly and honestly without being labeled as suicidal. Make sure you have a friend or therapist who will listen and give you all the freedom you need to express your grief. Every person deals with grief differently; there is not methodical formula that works magically. Accept the fact that you are a changed person. The pit of hopelessness for me came from longing for my old life.
TFG: What do we need to know about the state of child welfare around the world?
PC: I’m not an expert on child welfare around the world, but I can tell you that the number of children being exploited is at epidemic proportions, and that making a difference in even one child’s life can make a huge difference.
TFG: What can TFG readers do to help?
PC: The first thing I’d say is that people should read Jantsen’s Gift. I was lucky to have the chance to write this book about my experience of losing Jantsen and my work in Vietnam and Ghana. I think it’s a great tool for people who want to learn more about the kids I’ve worked with and what they can do to make an impact.
You can learn more about our work and how to specifically help at www.jantsensgift.com.
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