Welcome to our latest monthly column, “Mom on the Street” (ya know, like “Man on the Street”).
Each month, we’ll be asking moms just like you for a slice of their sage advice, insider tips or
tried-and-true wisdom in the hopes that their unique brand of mothering inspires, assuages, calms,
strengthens and even amuses you.
Jacquie Dalton-Fiorito is the co-founder of Book It! (www.bookitevents.com), ultra-hot and happening author-based social events. Here’s what this Little Silver, N.J., mother of twins has to say:
 “There’s a tipping point in parenthood, and I don’t mean a 20 percent gratuity for service! If we knew that our kids were required to pay us 20 percent of what it costs to raise them, from diapers to college, there’d be a logical explanation for why we don’t pack up our bags and move out in the middle of the night—other than the fear that if you move the toddler sleeping on your head to make your escape, you’ll be caught in the act and lose yet another night of much-needed sanity sleep (restoring beauty once you’re two years into the gig would take a full-fledged coma).
There’s no doubt that parenthood would be a good bit easier if we could handle it in terms of dollars and cents, with everything it costs us resulting in a paycheck. Imagine how much easier it would be to choose the best disciplinary tactic: Kids are whining? Buy a new toy. Coloring on the walls? Put 20 bucks in their piggy banks. Pulling hair and pushing playmates? Send them to the most expensive private school you can find—that’ll teach the little tyrants!
Keeping up with the Joneses would no longer be a shallow endeavor but a smart investment for your retirement years. The cost of living is always on the rise, so no need to worry about decreasing stock value and market bubbles bursting. The only bubbles being popped will be in your backyard, courtesy of the professional-grade bubble machine that guarantees 15 minutes of relative peace so you can pee in private for the first time in four years. Forget about playing the lottery—just have more kids and write the trip to Looneyville off on your taxes.
Of course, the tipping point in parenthood has nothing to do with money. We can’t be certain that anything we do to raise mindful children with bright, productive futures will work—and there’s no guarantee that they’ll ever say thank-you, never mind cut you a check for a job well done. Rather, the tipping point in parenthood is the difference between what we’re willing to do for money versus what we do out of love. It’s the moment when you want to quit but instead you put in overtime; when you want to tell the source of your stress to go fly a kite but instead you actually go fly a kite; when you realize that all your work is for somebody else’s benefit and that suddenly makes you want to do better.
As the mother of twin boys, I’m reminded every day that parenthood, above all else, is an expression of our willingness to love our children at any cost—emotionally, physically and least of all financially. So whenever I reach the tipping point, I rely on love. Because truth be told, there isn’t enough money in the world to pay me for this job!” |
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Nicole Williams is the creator of büti bägs (www.butibag.com), trés chic accessories (think: a sleek and high-style alternative to a baby bag and other lifestyle enhancers) for moms and babies. Here’s what this Charlotte, N.C., mother of one has to say:
 “When TFG asked me to write something on the duty versus love aspect of parenthood, I thought it was an amazingly hard question to answer honestly. Perhaps that’s not the case with some moms out there, like the ones who knew they wanted to be moms from the time they first started playing with dolls. You know them, those girls like Monica from Friends who had a scrapbook of their wedding done by the time they were in high school.
But for me, there is no true singular answer. Every day of raising my son is an immense duty, like one I’ve never had. Prior to becoming a parent, I had good jobs, bad jobs, and horribly mind-numbing, mediocre jobs. Through them all, I knew I wanted to have kids but also couldn’t imagine myself with the job of being someone’s mom. I couldn’t see myself as a mom, like most of my girlfriends were starting to become, and I certainly didn’t understand the level of sacrifice that goes along with being a good and loving parent. Don’t you just laugh at those poor, naive souls who think having a baby won’t alter their lives at all and they’ll be the one set of parents that actually stays cool?
Then, it happened. I met and married Mr. Right, got pregnant within the first year of marriage and had my first (and only so far) baby at the they-make-you-take-every-test-available-to-scare-the-heck-out-of-you old age of 35. Yes, I became a mom. I’m someone’s mom! This little guy depends on me and my husband for everything from eating to sleeping and everything in the middle. This is a serious, hardcore and mostly thankless job. It is The Hardest Job Ever. Ever. Period. And I only have one, so kudos to all those parents out there with more than one, because I cannot fathom how you do it all.
I also have three stepsons in their 20s, so while I’m their father’s wife, they’re sort of past the parenting stage with me. My experiences with parenting to date are primarily based on baby/toddlerhood. However, by having a husband with three adult children, there are days when I get a glimpse of how true parenting never really ends, even as our kids grow into adults themselves.
Of course, having a baby has given me an entirely new perspective on the world—the beauty, the pain and suffering, the environment and the legacy we are leaving for our children to inherit. My little man has been my complete inspiration behind starting a business and striving for a different kind of success. Starting a business is much like giving birth to a second baby, but even more exhausting if that’s even possible. The guilt associated with trying to work and have a family life is an entirely different subject, so I will just leave it at that.
All this introspection has given me an answer to the TFG question. Love has everything to do with the daily tasks and care of my family. Love drives me to nourish, discipline, nag, encourage and help them in every way possible. It is love that helps me get through the tough days, and it is my ultimate duty to create an atmosphere in which to raise a child who is thoughtful, loving and cherished for all that he is and all he can be one day. Simply put: Love equals duty.” |
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Delicia Soliman is co-founder of TeaZazz (www.drinkteazazz.com), a line of low-calorie, nutrient-packed sparkling iced teas. Here’s what this Valencia, CA, mother of three has to say:
“I am fortunate enough to have been blessed with three wonderful children, all of whom were part of a family plan. Motherhood was and is a joy, and it allows me the ability to share the love between my husband and myself and grow our family bond. That being said, from the moment of conception, my whole world completely changed. Once you realize you have a completely vulnerable and dependent person growing inside of you, every decision weighs on you and can become more and more complicated. Then they arrive and are like a sponge, just waiting for you to fill them with love, attention and knowledge. And yes, sometimes in our busy lives with three kids, I can feel overwhelmed by my duties: attend two plays, three parties, cheer practice, a football game and a doctor’s appointment and somehow make time for myself, my husband and continue to run my company. But at the end of the day, if my duty is love, then it is no duty at all. The big picture of love is just that, when I am able to step back and see all my children have achieved and the people they have become, I can know that whatever guidance I have given them was born out of both duty and love, and the line blurred between the two is exactly what motherhood really is.” |
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