Money Matters | Spencer D. Sherman gives you the tips you need to create financial success

MONEY MATTERS
SPENCER D. SHERMAN, CEO OF ABACUS WEALTH PARTNERS AND AUTHOR OF
THE CURE FOR MONEY MADNESS, GIVES YOU THE TIPS YOU NEED TO CREATE
REAL AND LASTING FINANCIAL SUCCESS FOR YOUR WHOLE FAMILY

KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES

Money House Recently while my wife and kids and I were at a park,
we met another young family and realized we had a lot
in common. We exchanged phone numbers, and shortly
thereafter, we were invited to their home for dinner. I had some sense that they might be well off given his past and current levels of responsibility. But nothing prepared me for the opulence I would find. As we approached their home, my 9-year-old son began to notice that the houses were enormous. When we got out of the car, he remarked that the front door was larger than any he’d ever seen. When our hosts opened that mighty door, my son said, “Wow, you have a BIG house!” What he didn’t notice was the brand-new Mercedes in the driveway. But I did.

They treated us to a beautifully prepared and elegantly arranged dinner (served by their live-in cook and housekeeper). They told me about their international travel with private tour guides at five-star hotels (I was mentally adding up the bill while they talked). They urged me to join their country club (annual membership dues in the tens of thousands).

As they spoke, I got more and more hooked on the idea of upgrading my lifestyle. Of course I should go on luxury vacations! Of course I should buy a new and expensive car! Of course I should hire a cook! But soon, thankfully, I started wrestling with my emotions instead: Why is it difficult to be with people who have more than I have? Why am I comparing myself to them? How do I make a real connection with anyone if I’m measuring another’s wealth?

Do I see myself as less than someone who has more wealth? If that’s true, I must feel superior to those who have less.

This is money madness: equating self-worth with net worth. It’s what I write about and speak about every day. Our society has made money into the whole of wealth. But it’s simply one slice of a big pie. What makes someone “wealthy”? It’s a myriad of things: our health, our relationships with family and friends, our creative impulses and energy, our intelligence and resourcefulness, our sense of humor, our generosity, our passion and love for nature or music or theater or sports or sunsets, and how much money we have. How do I know that? Because what would you pay to retain your health or friendships? They’re priceless, no? We are not our bank accounts. We are not the cars we drive. We are not the granite countertops or the Formica. When we find ourselves around people who have more (or less) than we have and it causes us discomfort, we can pause, take a big breath, and with compassion say, “I am wealthy just as I am. They are wealthy just as they are. Now, let’s see what we have in common.”

Spencer Sherman is the author of The Cure for Money Madness and the CEO of Abacus Wealth Partners. He lives in Northern California with his wife and their two children. For more, please visit www.curemoneymadness.com and www.abacuswealth.com.